That Same Evening

 

The Museum of Broken Relationships (here). How ... - yes, what? It's a global project on the internet where everyone can put his/ her own pin, picture and story of a broken ship / relationship. There are also two physical musea. One in Zagreb and one in LA. How cool that there is a place where one can share that what is broken. A place of thinking, commemorating and contemplating. A place where the balance can be drawn up. (Being in imbalance is also a balance.) And I? I don't know. I don't believe in endings ... every ending is a new beginning. I believe in fading away slowly 

... slowly 

.. slowly 

. slowly 

(no ending)

P.S. The postcard can be found in the collection of the museum: here.

What the World Needs is ... Evolutionary Love

On the day Donald Trump became president elected of the #USA2016 I went to a Stacey Kent concert in Rotterdam #Netherlands.

What lovely music. Her voice and singing: beautiful, intense, crystal clear and honest. I cried twice. After her first song she spoke to the audience. She told she slept that night 1.5 hour and that her heart was broken in thousands pieces because Hillary Clinton didn't win the elections. Heartbroken and devastated.

What puzzles me since, is 'Why?'. Why are so many people so over the top on Trump's "winning"? He won? She lost? Why don't we celebrate democracy? We agree, we disagree and we agree to disagree. Play hard to get selected but within the rules of the law. Democracy isn't perfect but it's, "the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried" (Churchill). Give the President elected a fair chance. In people we trust. In democracy we trust. In the long run presidents want to be remembered as a "good" president. This endeavor is a guarantee for "misbehavior". Have trust!

Next to that there is a bias when we see democratic elections as a "game of or win or lose". The image is according to me wrong. The engine of the evolutionary process is not struggle, strife, greed or competition. Rather it's nurturing love. In which individual 'homo sapiens' are prepared to sacrifice their own perfection for the sake of the wellbeing of its neighbor.

Addendum to my 'reading list on history' (October 19, 2016):
21. Charles S. Peirce/ Evolutionary Love (1893). Antidote against Charles Darwin's image 'Survival of the Fittest'. The image is not evolutionary competition but evolutionary love.

P.S. Number 21 is a footnote on number 4, this is the power of images/ metaphors.

You're Perfect

More on disillusionment and love: here.

Everyone's the same

He is only one year senior to me. In a way I grew older with him. With his music. Every now and then, over the past 30 years, I  heard his songs on the radio. Music. Just background music. Busy doing whatever one does living his life. 

This week his song 'Cowboys and Angels' (1991) touched me. To be honest it is the first song of his that touched me at all.  

For me 'Club Tropicana' (1983) is George Michael's (born 1963) best song. Fresh. Sexy. Tropical. New. Parody. How I loved that song when I heard it on the radio in the 1980s. Around Christmas (rest of year not) I love watching and listening to 'Last Christmas'. Snow. Holiday. Fresh. Romantic. Love: sweet and sour of it.

But 'Cowboys and Angels' touched me this week. Read the lyrics. Great lyrics!
-

When your heart's in someone else's hands
Monkey see and monkey do
Their wish is your command
You're not to blame
Everyone's the same
-
All you do is love and love is all you do
I should know by now, the way I fought for you
You're not to blame
Everyone's the same
-
I know you think that you're safe
Mister
Harmless deception
That keeps love at bay
It's the ones who resist that we most want to kiss
Wouldn't you say?
Cowboys and angels
They all have the time for you
Why should I imagine
That I'd be a find for you
Why should I imagine
That I'd have something to say
But that scar on your face
That beautiful face of yours
In your heart there's a trace
Of someone before
-
When your heart's in someone else's plans
Things you say and things you do
They don't understand
It's such a shame
Always ends the same
-
You can call it love but I don't think it's true
You should know by now
I'm not the boy for you
You're not to blame
Always ends the same
-
I know you think that you're safe
Sister
Harmless affection
That keeps things this way
It's the ones who persist for the sake of a kiss 
Who will pay
Cowboys and angels
They all take a shine to you
Why should I imagine that I was designed for you
Why should I believe 
That you would stay
-
But that scar on your face
That beautiful face of yours
Don't you think that I know
They've hurt you before
-
Take this man to your bed
Maybe his hands will help you to forget
Please be stronger than your past
The future may still give you a chance
-
I love these lines: "You think you are safe", "It's the ones who resist that we most want to kiss", "In your heart is a trace of someone before" and "Please be stronger (...) the future may still give you a chance".

I guess I'm sensitive for this song because it tells in a nutshell about the sweet and sour of love. The sweet - never a constraint. The sour - always a challenge.

Question: What song touched you last weeks - if any? Why?

Suddenly everything is lost

A few days ago I checked out a few paper books looking for a quote. I found :)  what I was looking for. 

During this browsing exercise I found also something else. A little quote I lost in some way. Not really lost but out of my daily consiousness. I lost it for more than 10 years. It's a quote I'm very fond of. Andreas Burnier, 'De litteraire salon' (1983):

"Nu ik oud ben, heb ik vele vrienden, geliefden, vluchtige partners gekend. Ik weet nu dat het meeste menselijke contact niets betekent, absoluut niets. Mensen komen en gaan, praten honderuit, vertellen hun laatste zorgen en intimiteiten, verklaren hun liefde en eeuwige trouw, zweren met bloed beklonken vriendschap, storten zich vol passie in elkaars armen en dan, ineens, is het over, de woorden verloochend, het feest tot as vergaan."

I don't want to translate the quote in Dutch literally. If you really want to know it's details ... work! perspire! It's one of my Chinese gardens. 

This is my translation in 1 tweet: "Life: people come and go. Friends. Lovers. Eternal love. Suddenly everything is lost. The party is over." 

How about you: Do you find things too, by accident, while looking for something else?

On an oil lamp

Today a poem from Marcus Argentarius who lived around year 0 in Rome (AP 5.128):

 

"Her breast against my breast, 

Her skin on mine,

Her lips against my lips, 

with nothing in between Antigone and me, we lay.

I say no more.

The rest the lamp was witness of."

Fade away

They say "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away". Is it a coincidence that this can be applied to soldiers and lovers?

Don Juan was a great seducer but a bad dad

Don Juan is a tragical figure. Better: I think that Don Juan is a tragical figure. Why? Not because he's able to seduce woman, a lot of woman. Not because I do not understand his drive, his longing, his kick, his long trail of seduced woman.

He is tragical because he entangles means and end. Seducing a woman - from a male point of view - is the means to the end 'get procreated'. It's just as simple as that. Getting procreated as species 'homo sapiens' is more than make love and make babies with the two of us. The kids also need their parents for love and all the other small, normal and ordinairy things we need for facing life. In other words: life is more than getting laid. The tragedy of Don Juan is that he doesn't act that way. In a way Don Juan is a spoiled kid: always getting what he wants. And in the real world? In the real world kids grow up and  learn that we can't always get what we want. In the real world we learn that we don't need to consume always what we can get. It seems to me that Don Juan never learned that. Don Juan' tragedy is that  he was a great seducer but he was a bad dad.

Is it really that hard not to take every step of 'Terentius' steps of Venus':  (1) see (2) talk (3) touch (4) kiss and (5) make love? Why can't you stop stepping?

On Bruna

What can I say? ... take 30 seconds - did your hear and read the sound of silence? Heard my heart, my wondering and puzzling mind?

Look at her and listen to her music: Essa Menina (This Girl), Palavras do Coração (Words of the Heart), Nascer de Novo (Born Again) and  Fim de Tarde (Evening).

What can I say? I guess I'm in love with Bruna Caram. Accompanied with all the dreams, longing and fantasies.

P.s. Don't worry I'm a married man who is content and happy with his love. Just sharing my inner thoughts and dreams with you :))

Terentius 5 steps. Online we are offline concerning to 3 of his steps.

Ever heard of  Terentius (190-159 BC)? Ever heard of his 5 steps of Venus? It's the steps we take one after another "meeting" a new lover: (1) see (2) talk (3) touch (4) kiss and (5) make love. When I apply this to our online world I discover - planet Earth year 2010 - that we only are able to take the first 2 steps. Online we will never be able to touch, kiss and make love to a potential new lover. (Or do you take cybersex  for real?) In this respect 'being online' is a strange image because we're offline towards 3 steps. In this respect I do not really understand why so many of us think that the online world is more real, more fantastic, more living, more cool, and more connected to the world. Or am I biased because I like smelling, touching and tasting so much?

Any idea how influential images are?

Details. I'm a man of details. I pick the images or metaphors I use in my communication  - in case you missed it - with great care. I do not only pick them with great care I also 'play' with them. Surprised? Any idea how influential images are? Did you know that every language has it's own historical biased set of metaphors? Did you know that in Dutch there are a lot of images who can be traced back to the Dutch 'Golden Age' of the 17th century? Did you know that the explorations of the 15th and 16th century have left their traces in  Portuguese and Spanish?

Let me use an example, we all are very familiar are with, to explain what I am pointing at. Images of 'love':

• river: floating and never the same
• game: win or lose
• prison: feel locked up and always longing for being somewhere else
• alpha and omega of life: begin and end
• unit of raising kids: bond between man and wife to reproduce species 'homo sapiens'
• other half of me: your 1/2 and my 1/2 = 1
• hunting: hunter and prey

What's my point? If we look at love from an 'Other half of me' point of view we live our lives expecting to find her one day. Who? The one who will make my 1/2 soul 1. If I can't find her I'll be disappointed and frustrated. If my present love will have it's downs (ups are never the contraint) I'll conclude that she in retrospect was not the '1' I was looking and longing for. The relation will not last.

If we look at love from the 'Unit of raising kids' image of Desmond Morris we will learn that  man and wife join together to get procreated. Morris also tells that a good relation evolves from pair forming sex  (high intensity) to pair binding sex (less intense). If you expect to always have pair forming kind of sex any relation will be a disappointment.  

What has all this to do with you? I try to make you sensitive for the fact that we sometimes are trapped in the image we use for something. The image we use is like a prison - this is a metaphor too. It  tell us what we see and don't see. It predicts what makes us happy and sad. It even defines our definition on happiness.

The bible, Matthew 7:24-29 says: "built your house on rock and not on sand". At first sight we'd better not built our house on sand because it's not rock. But! If we look at sand like a 'sea of sand' a window of opportunities is opened. A houseboat is perfectly capable to navigate on any dessert. 

Tell me. When was the last time that you realised that you could escape from a "trap" by using another metaphor?

Looking for a Prince (m/f) on a white horse? You are looking for Jesus!

Let me tell you a fairytale. Once upon a time a group of people living in Judea worshiped a being bigger than life. They called Him: JWH (speak out 'Jaweh'). The source of  Life, Love and Death. He gave birth to everything: birds, bees, crops and human beings as well. He also toke care for their souls after death: if you had lived your life "good" you went to "paradise" if not you went to "hell". This group of people tried to live by His rules as good as possible but  still once in a while crop failure, being beaten in a war, earthquakes and other disasters. What went wrong? Answer: they must have interpreted His wishes of how to live a "good life" wrong!  What next? Wait on the "messiah" - the one and only messenger from Him - who could tell this "group of Judea" or "us people" how to live correctly in this life and by doing so earning the entrance to "paradise".

Time went by. Generations of "us people" were born, lived and died. Lots of people claimed that they were the "messiah". All of them proved to be false. On first of January year 0 - what a strange data isn't it? - an "us people" baby was born. He was called Jesus from Nazareth. He was the son of a carpenter. He grew up, went to school, went to church and had a good time with his friends. He was able to cure ill. He was able to listen well and talk with authority. A group of  "us people" knew and claimed that Jesus was the messiah. From then on "us people" was divided in two groups. One group who claimed that Jesus was not the messiah. And who are still waiting for the real messiah. Let's call them 'Jews'. One group who know for sure that Jesus was the messiah. Let's call them 'Christians'. ('Christ' is the greek word for 'messiah').

Time went by. Generations of "us people" were born, lived and died. Let's focus on the 'Christians' group of "us people". Generation after generation life was slowly getting less harsh. Suddenly (it took a couple of hunderd years) lots of these christians realized that they were perfectly well able to live their lives without the need of Him. They did not believe in Santa Claus. They did not believe in Jesus as the messiah nor in God as the source of Life, Love and Death. They claimed that He was dead!

This is were the fairytale ends. The christians needed for practicing their religion Jesus, God, churches, holy books, priests, rules of how to live correctly, holy days and so much more. In a metaphor: it was a big building! A building that formed the cities we live in. That formed the groups we live in. That formed how we treat other human beings and other groups. That formed our calender. That formed our seasons. That formed our schools, journals and magazines. It even formed how we live our individual lives: dreams, fears, sense of life, urge for perfection, how we treat other people and so much more. It even formed how we respond to people who get killed or get homeless in an earthquake in Haiti.

Still there? What's my point? God is dead. Jesus is dead. The big building of christianity  is very alive. In recent times we replaced 'God' by 'Love' and 'Jesus' by the 'Prince on the White Horse'. Listen to all the love songs. Watch all the talkshows and feel-good movies. Smell in your favourite pub or restaurant. A lot of  "us people" look for their white Prince (m/ f) on a horse. The One and Only who make it possible to live Life. The One who Understands all the smiles and tears, dreams and fears. The One who will make Live Perfect.

To summarize all the above. Big building of christianity is very alive in recent western society. God = Love. Jesus = Prince (m/f) on a White Horse.

How about you: are you looking for a White Prince (m/ f) on a Horse?

Sexrobot Roxxxy & bookreview Litt/ Journey into space

Planet Earth turns slowly. Every day it turns around one time.

A few days ago (January 9, 2010) the first sexrobot Roxxxy made her public debut. It’s a female – don’t worry the designer is working on a male too. She has a program to learn the owner's likes and dislikes. Is able to talk about sports and cars, can carry on a discussion and expresses her love to you. Her vocabulary is being updated via Internet. She has five personalities: (1) outgoing Wild Wendy, (2) reserved and shy Frigid Farrah, (3) a young naive personality, (4) Mature Martha and (5) adventurous SM Susan. (Blogs on Roxxxy 1 and 2.)

Products like this fill my mind with hundreds of questions. Are there only five personalities of a woman? Will she interrogate you afterwards when you turned the robot off? Will she complain when you don't clean her after having sex with her? Is there a future for sexparties where you can change your partner, our personal Roxxxyies? Can she feel when she is being raped? How will she respond when you don’t talk to her for weeks? Can she learn me languages? Can she improve my language and be my teacher on a given subject too? Is there a button “random question, mood, behaviour or (dis)like”?  Will she be moody too when she has her period? Does she recognize my smell? Will she be able to give birth to our kids and make it possible to reproduce me and her into an thirth personality? How does she respond to my boss, the postman and my friends? Is she sensible for celebrities? Can she be jealous? When will be the first divorce because a wife feels neglected by him because of his Roxxxy?

Well, well what a great future for (wo)mankind. Buy one if you want to but I’ll not buy one. For me it’s the "wrong" track for the species ‘homo sapiens’. Is living your life really that hard? What is wrong with a partner whose behavior is not always predictable? Why do you need affirmation or a mirror that much? Why do you want to be in control of having sex? Why do you want to be in control of your partner? Why do you want to be in control of life? It’s an illusion! It’s a dangerous dream! Everyone whose mindset is set into this way of life can’t bear natural disasters (earthquake, waterflood, illness, invalidness etc) or wars between groups of human beings.  Can't bear!

Roxxxy brings me to Toby Litt’s (1968-) book ‘Journey into space’ (2009). It’s a Science Fiction (SF) book about a group of 100 ‘homo sapiens’ who travel in a vessel to a place 3 or 4 human-generations far away. They travel with ¼th of the speed of light. Halfway they get the message that humanity killed herself (caused by discussions about “Jerusalem”). All that exists of Earth is what “IT” has archived. The spaceship turns back to planet Earth finding out that 250 people survived. They look “horrible”. The book ends with the vessel as kamikaze bomb. Everyone dies.

I disagree with Litt’s future (SF) concept of love and reproduction. For me love is the cornerstone of our (dis)behavior. Sometimes the lack of love is the cornerstone of our (dis)behavior. We can’t separate love and reproduction. We can reproduce our species without love. We can’t live our lives without love, the need of love, the longing for love, the fact that we fall in love. Love is undividly incorporated in everyone of us. There will be no future on Earth or somewhere else in the univere without human beings that fall in love or are in love. We will not allow it to be taken away from us. Chemicals will not cure this "disease". Love is the motor of our species’ evolution. And it allways will be.

Planet Earth turns slowly. With or without us.

Bookreview Kawakami 'The teachers briefcase'. Lovestory: slowly as a river is fed by water in the yearly seasons

Finished reading Kawakami's book 'The Teacher’s Briefcase' (in dutch 'De tas van de leraar'). Never read a japanese novel before but if this is representative for japanese literature I'm interested. Lovely and slowly moving book. Slowly as a river is fed by water in the yearly seasons. 37-year-old office worker Tsukiko mets her former highschool teacher ('sensei' in japanese) in a pub. Sensei tells Tsukiko that he had seen her a few times before.  She had not seen him.

Slowly. Very slowly they fall in love. Mostly meeting by accident. They let time pass by in bars and restaurants.  Sometimes eating alone. Mostly eating together. Watch people.  Silence. Lots of silence. After a while she realises she is in love with Sensei. She tells him. He doesn't really respond - as readers we don't know why. She falls asleep in his arms. Tired. Very tired.

Distance. Tsukiko takes care that they don't meet by accident for months. One night she enters their favourite pub/ restaurant again, finding out that Sensei is sick. She goes to his home telling "nothing". He is "silent" as well. After a couple of days (weeks?) Sensei calls on the phone. They agree to meet again. They meet. Sensei proposes to have a "real love relation". Tsukiko agrees. After quite some time - Sensei is hesitating because he hadn't made love for a long time - they make love. Finally.

P.s. I wrote about this book before. Interested? Read this.
P.s.s. Bookreview by Janet Ashby.

Postponed encounter

This morning I opened for the first time Hiromo Kawakami's book 'The Teacher’s Briefcase' (in dutch 'De tas van de leraar'). Did not open it before. It was patiently waiting for me  in my study as a little treasure.  I postponed my encouter.

Read first and last page of the book - as always. Aaaaaaah ... that's what I like and love to read. Last two sentences (translation @JeanD99): "On nights like this I open Senseis briefcase to peek in it. An absolute emptiness yawns at me. There is nothing but the desperate, gaping void." Aren't we all surrounded by books, things, dreams and so much more of the ones we love(d)? To be continued ...

99 names we all are very familiar with

Read this long list! Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Sovereign, Most Perfect, Source of Peace and Safety, Granter of Security, Guardian. Still there? Self Sufficient, Irresistible, Tremendous, Creator,  Rightful, Fashioner of Forms, Ever Forgiving, All Compelling Subduer, Bestower, Ever Providing, Opener, All Knowing, Straightener, Munificent, Abaser, Exalter, Giver of Honour, Giver of Dishonour, All Hearing, All Seeing, Arbitrator, Utterly Just, Gentle, All Aware, Forbearing, Magnificent, All Forgiving, Grateful, Sublimely Exalted, Great, Preserver, Nourisher, Bringer of Judgment, Majestic, Generous, Watchful, Responsive, Vast. Patience :) we are almost halfway. Wise, Loving, All Glorious, Raiser of The Dead, Witness, Real, Dependable, Strong, Steadfast, Protecting Friend, All Praiseworthy, Accounter, Originator, Restorer, Giver of Life, Bringer of Death, Ever Living, Self Subsisting Provider of All, Finder, Illustrious, One, Unique, Eternal, All Able, Dominant, Expediter, Delayer, First, Last, Manifest, Hidden, Patron, Self Exalted, Most Kind, Ever Returning, Avenger, Pardoner, Compassionate, Owner of All Sovereignty, Generosity, Equitable, Gatherer, All Rich, Enricher. Only 9 left! Defender, Harmer, Benefactor, One Who Creates the Light, Guide, Incomparable, Ever Enduring, Heir, Infallible Teacher and Knower, Timeless.

Sounds familiar these names don't they? It's the names we give our lover when we are fallen-in-love or are in love. The sweet and sour of love - it's not always perfect. Just pick a random lovesong and I bet you'll find a name in the above list of 99 that resembles it.

The funny thing about the 99 names is that they don't point at our lover. They point at the 99 names of Allah. Allah? Yep, the mono-theistic God of the Muslims. Strange isn't it? I'm personally convinced that the names of JWH, God and Allah are not given to humanity by Him via a holy book but are given by human messengers to Him. Given to Him. Not the other way around. Messengers, messiahs or profets who gave their mono-theistic God names they were familiar with by personal experience. It's the experience all 'homo sapiens' share and know about by personal experience when we are fallen-in-love.

Nothing can compete to fallen-in-love. Lover = God = One. 1 step further, nothing can compete to a distant and unreachable Love. Question: is there something that can?

Book review. Pamuk's Museum Innocence. Aren't we all surrounded by thousands of tiny little things of the ones we love(d)?

"What a bore is life and how predictable: to be born, live and die." This is what I told my grandma (from my mothersside) at the age of eight after reading next weeks TV-guide completely. She looked at me with a little mysterious smile and said "Yes, you are right". I was old at the age of eight. The strange thing is this feeling never really left me. In retrospect my opinion back than was only a part of 'homo sapiens' life' truth. In life it's not about milestones it's about all the days in between. It's not about being born, learn to ride a bicycle, fall in love, graduate at highschool, buy a house, become a (grand)parent and die. It's about the 26.000 days in between. Sometimes we think we will never really fall in love. Sometimes we are in doubt about the love we feel. Sometimes we hate our lover. Sometimes it feels as if we are not good enough for our lover and need above all affirmation. Sometimes it's a perfect day, full of love and being loved. Sometimes we don't think at all about our lover - and feel guilty when we realize that. What I'm trying to say is, we (better: I) live our life one day after another. In retrospect we can put milestones in our personal life but it's hardly sensible in the days we are living one by one. Yesterday is one day. Today is one day. Tomorrow and all the other days are one day.

All bookreviews tell more about the reviewer than about the writer of a book. I'm completely aware of that. Last weekend I finished reading Orhan Pamuk's (1952-) book 'The museum of innocence' (in a dutch translation). From a milestone point of view this book is a bore. 30 year old male Pamuk falls in love with 18 year female Fusun while he is going to be engaged in a few weeks with 26 (?) year old female Sibel. The setting is Istanbul, Turkey in the seventies (of the 20th century). Pamuk and Sibel are both rich and are the perfect couple. Fusun is poor.

I was completely addicted to the book after reading the first 20 pages. I knew - not really but I guessed how it would end otherwise there would have been no reason for a "museum" - how the book was going to end but I loved all those thousands and thousands of tiny, little, lovely details of a love. A love between Kemal and Sibel. A love between Kemal and Fusun. All the hesitations, the anger, the insecurity, the perfect moments, the jealousy, the lack of affirmation, the tears, the smiles and the feeling of happiness when you just can touch her or finally see her smile while she looks at you. I loved to read about all the "normal" days when Kemal was surrounded by things of Fusun: touching the saltshacker that once stood at Fusun's house, smelling at the red dress Fusun wore on the day of Kemal and  Fusun's engagement and drinking from a glass Fusun once drank out of.

This is it. This is life. For me it's a book of love in all it's tiny little elements. It tells it all: the hesitations, the good and bad moments and all the feelings in between. It's not a book of milestones. It's a book of all the days in between. For me personally to found a museum for the love-of-my-life is too much. It would be too neurotic. I'll never found a museum for the ones I loved so much and the ones I love right now. I'll never found a museum for the love-of-my-life but aren't we all surrounded by hunderds of things, books, smells, songs, thoughts and dreams of the ones we love(d)?

P.S. More bookreviews of this book can be found here.