Wednesday, October 28, 2009

For man only: womanlike questioning & manlike problemsolving

It took me (a male) a long time. One universe. One planet Earth. One god. One democracy. One life. One species 'homo sapiens'. It took me a long time realizing that man and woman talk differently. For a long time - in retrospect too long - my assumption was that man and woman communicate exactly alike. I learned it the hard way that we don't communicate alike.

Man listen in a conversation to identify "what is the problem?". Woman listen in a conversation to find out "what is the question?" Example: my wife comes home from her work to complain about her boss. When I "listen" to her from a male point of view I'll ask question after question to peel off what the "key problem" is & finally proudly presenting her how to solve the problem. After done so I'll find out to my greatest surprise that she is dissatisfied with our conversation because "I didn't listen to her". Leaving me behind in wonder and being frustrated "Why?".

How to solve this - this is indeed manlike problemsolving? Listen to her. Really listen to her. A woman doesn't want to have her problems solved. She is perfectly capable doing that herself! She wants to talk to a man as she talks to a woman-friend. Question after question. Sharing the same old stories you heard at least a thousand times.

For man only. A woman doesn't want to have her problems solved. A woman wants to blow of steam! Listen to her. Ask questions. Listen. Give only your solution to the problem if she begs you to tell her your point of view.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Dance. Dance with you in this dance of loneliness

The music I listen to is filled with songs in which the singer shares his or her emotions of love. Listen to Ana Carolina 'Mais que isso', Luiza Possi 'Coração de papel', Chiara Civello 'Un passo dopo l'atro' or Maria Mena 'Just hold me'. 4 songs that touch my heart. Make me sentimental. Make me fragile. Thinking and dreaming of the ones that I once loved so deeply and the ones I love right now. Dreams of meu princesa distante. Everything passes. This includes falling in love with another human being. What is left if falling in love fades or faded away?

What I don't understand is how the singer feels if she sings for the 467th time 'Mais que isso'. Since 4 years I'm listening to the music of Ana Carolina. Listening and feeling the emotions of Ana Carolina. Wondering if the lover she talks about is still there? Was it a him or a her? Did they ever become a couple? Are they still a couple? Does Ana Carolina still dream of him/ her?

I'm wondering if the singer still thinks of the one she thought of when she originally wrote the song? Is it healing if you sing a song for the 467th time? Or just the opposite? My heart would break if I have to but how does a "professional" singer deal with that? Life is more than music on a CD or a song sang but what happens to Ana Carolina, Luiza, Chiara and Maria when those 2 worlds meet. Two worlds? When the "professional" singer sings on stage (world 1) her own most intimate song (world 2). First few times bit nervous I presume. What does she feel when it's the 467th time? What does she feel when the lover she sings about is passed long ago and replaced 5 times by another newer lover? What's my point?

Question: What does a professional singer feel singing a very private and intimate self written song of a love that passed - a song that's so successful and that has to be sang everytime on stage. Indifferent? Professional? Filled with gratitude? Embarrassed? Filled with love? A mixture? Or ...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Cursed, coined & crusified. Footnote on a song

Listen to the instrumental song 'Cursed, coined & crusified' from Gorky's Zygotic Mynci.
Did you listen? Where does the cursing starts? Any sounds of coining? Anyone hear the sounds of a hammer nailing someone on a cross?

'Cursing, coining & crusified'? Who are they talking about? About JC? JC as Jesus Christ of Nazareth ... but he was first cursed after that crusified and finally coined. It can't be him. JC as Julius Ceasar ... but he was coined first, after that cursed and killed but never crusified. It can't be him. I have no idea who they are talking about. Is there somewhere in history someone who was cursed first, made it then to the top and became coined and finally literally crusified on a cross? Spartacus ... but he wasn't coined. It can't be him. I have no idea about the history of crusifying and (worldwide?) use of this instrument of deliberatly let another human being slowly die.
Or is it only a joke? Is it a mirror? Is it an invitation to all of us to reconsider the way human beings ('homo sapiens') treat other human beings? If we skipp the christian terminology and translate it into "our" hedonistic and egocentric terminology of 2009. What would the title of the song be:"You are a stranger & I hate you by bias. I love you as myself. &Fuck up"?