She was 15 years old and I was 16. She was my first love and I was hers. Two days ago T. was suddenly on my mind again - I have no idea what triggered this. I felt the need to talk to her. What went "wrong" 40 years ago? We were so in love and at the same time we were not able to communicate. How was our us for her?
We were classmates in highschool. After graduation I saw her twice on a class reunion. The last time more than 20 years ago. We talked a little but only skin-deep. If I remember well she has one boy and one girl and married to the boyfriend that came right after me.
I knew she was interested in me after I came back from a holiday in Spain. Suddenly she looked differently at me. Eyes. Small talk. Teasing. After a few weeks I gathered all the courage and called her from a pay phone (not from home). I got her on the phone and not her older sister or one of her parents. I invited her to meet at the marketplace in G. And there we met for the first time. Just the two of us. We held each other's bikes and talked for hours. That day I knew I was in love and I knew she was in love too. At a schoolparty we kissed for the first time. For "hours". Months flew by. We went out together a few times with her group of friends, she came over for coffee to my house, we wrote letters to each other that we handed over at school ... but in a way we didn't communicate. She broke up. Clumsy. And it hurt me a lot.
How was our us for me? In retrospect I think we were too insecure and inexperienced. We were not able to talk about our insecurities and feelings. Neither of us were able to let each other cross that threshold. What I learned from T. is how beautiful it is to be in love. To talk endlessly and kiss. To have your significant other close. To smell her. To look in her eyes.
I would like to thank her for the love and confidence she gave me. In retrospect we were green as grass and not ready for a serious relationship yet. The strange thing, after T. I always was able to share all of me. I knew - without realizing it at the time and having words for it - that in a perfect relation I had to share all of me: sweet and sour, and everything in between. Even if it doesn't make sense.
How was our us for me? In retrospect I think we were too insecure and inexperienced. We were not able to talk about our insecurities and feelings. Neither of us were able to let each other cross that threshold. What I learned from T. is how beautiful it is to be in love. To talk endlessly and kiss. To have your significant other close. To smell her. To look in her eyes.
I would like to thank her for the love and confidence she gave me. In retrospect we were green as grass and not ready for a serious relationship yet. The strange thing, after T. I always was able to share all of me. I knew - without realizing it at the time and having words for it - that in a perfect relation I had to share all of me: sweet and sour, and everything in between. Even if it doesn't make sense.
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