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There are more books about Napoleon than someone can read in one life. That's what I learned at high school during the history lesson.

My son S. asked this week: "Why do you read so much?" My answer: I love to learn new things on subjects I am not familiar with. I am very curious. I like to visit unknown corners of people, countries or periods. It makes life shine.

I was not always like that. When I was 17, I was bored with books and knowledge in general. It all made no sense to me. But in retrospect that boredom lasted one or two years. Before and after that I just read what I wanted to read.

I am addicted to books. Addicted to the point of views that each book brings. Reading makes me humble.

I must have read thousands of books. Most books I only read once. Some, I read twice. There is only one book I never succeed to finish: A. Hitler's 'Mein Kampf'. I started it three times. All three times stopping at 2/3 ... what a bore.

Oek de Jong's 'Cirkel in het gras' did I read four (or more?) times. Gavin Maxwell's 'Ring of Bright Water' four or five times. His 'The House of Elrig' three times. There is only one book I keep on reading every few years: Jean Grenier's 'Islands'. I guess I read it 41 times!

How many books did you read from this Great Books list? I have only read 24 of the 100 listed. 

Tão Raro

Instead of reading Stedman's 'Surinam' (1796) I read two other books during my holiday. 

For the 41th time - I guess - I read Jean Grenier's 'Islands' (1933). Can't remember why I wanted to read it one more time. All I know is that I suddenly was in the middle of this book again and all I could do was finish reading it. This is the only book I have read more than four times. For me this book is like breathing. One quote from this book: "Passion requires a fortress. Without secrets, hidden behind walls, there is and will be no beauty and happiness." 

Life is so rare. Tão raro. I tell you 'I love you' and that I am 'yours'. With words. With words that's the highest, the most perfect we can say. That is the best compliment I can give to you: me.

P.S. The second book I read is Tom Wolfe's 'The Right Stuff' (1979). I have not finished it as yet. I wrote about it before.

THERE

Is there a word for returning "home" after many years being in exile? Away from your loved ones, family and friends because you are a soldier or a sailor. No signs. No communications. Just uncertainty, questions and doubts for the ones who are leaving and for the ones who stay behind. In a 'sea' of longing. A la 'saudade'. A la 'lengsel'. A la 'sehnsucht'. A la ... - there must be more.

For species 'homo sapiens' it is only possible since 100 years to communicate directly over long distances. Only 100 years! Since our species invented writing - couple of thousand years ago - we are able to communicate via letters but these had to travel with the same ship or army in which 'you' went into exile.

Is the word (or are there words?) I am looking for: 'kingdom'? The bible talks about 'kingdom' versus 'in exile'. Camus uses the same distinction. 

Or is the word, image I am looking for: 'returning'? Returning to the womb. Returning to hugging arms, big and small kisses. Just being THERE.

How is making love with your lover after so many years? Does it feel like the first time? 

WYSIWYG (ii)

What You See Is What You Get? Really?

P.S. Here WYSIWYG (i)

Little Remarkable

This week a parachutist man was found dead in grassland near Teuge #NL. It turned out that he died 9 days before, after a failed para-jump. Failed? We do not know yet what happened exactly. Right now we know that he lived alone and no-one had missed him. No-one. Not at the paraclub. Not at home. Not at work. And if they did miss him, no-one went out to search! him. 

Stoner must have been a man like this para!

Last weekend I finished reading John Williams' book 'Stoner' (1965) in a Dutch translation. I wanted to read this novel to "feel" what it's like to  live a little remarkable life. Stoner failed in being a teacher. Stoner failed in love. He eventually dies in anonymity. A mediocre life of a mediocre teacher. Nothing fancy.

The book did disappoint me. It did not meet my expectations. Did I expect too much? What did I expect? For me it was too much a novel. It could have been someone's biography. But it isn't. It's an invented life. 

I did not feel sorry for Stoner. No look of recognition. Nothing resonating in my heart. Did not think much of him. Just nothing.

The coming two weeks I'm on holiday. Natal. Ano Novo. Ice-skating with the kids. Little jobs in the house. B. gets her own room. Only one book to read on my to-read-list: Stedman's Surinam. Life in an Eighteenth-Century Slave Society. An Abridged, Modernized Edition of 'Narrative of a Five Years Expedition against the Revolted Negroes of Surinam'.

your little remarkable man

Myopia. Mine

In Norwegian they talk about 'Lengsel'. In German about 'Sehnsucht'. In Portuguese about 'Saudade'. 

And in Dutch? In The Netherlands we don't have specific words for 

• longing for what is lost or disappeared behind the horizon: Saudade
• longing for moving to places (or knowledge) where you are not right now: Lengsel
• longing for an ideal world that surpasses everything that's unfinished or imperfect in one's life: Sehnsucht

In Dutch we stick to 'Bij de buren is het gras altijd groener'. Translated in English 'The grass in the neighbor's garden is always greener'. In a way "we" Dutch are more down to Earth. More sober. We can long for what we've lost, what we long for or what we dream of. At the same time realizing that it's never perfect. Even if it may seem so in the neighbor's garden but that is - just take a better look: near-sight (myopia). At the same time realizing that you have to stick with what you have right now.

Mark that 'the neighbor's garden' is a metaphor for 'everything in one's life'!

Do I have an answer to every question or problem? No, it's quite to opposite. All my answers are temporary. In a way a hypothesis. One cloud. One word. One song. One strange look. One touch. One kiss. One ... - it's always a pleasant  surprise - and suddenly I just don't know what to do or answer next. 

Clarice Lispector: "So long as I have questions to which there are no answers, I shall go on writing."

You. Myopia yes but so beautiful. Beautiful a la Saudade.

P.S. Some may say that the Dutch word 'weemoed' correlates to the different kind of longings mentioned above but that word is in my country non-existent. No longer in common use. It's archaic.

Midnight Sun

Sophie was 36. Felix 28. They fell in love. Both of them! She wants Felix but marries skipper Vilhelm Dreyer. And  Felix? He was young and wanted to discover the planet. He wanted freedom. He became a journalist, travelling around the world. When he realized what happened she, his love-of-his-life, was married and mother of two kids.

For thirty years they wrote letters - in Norwegian - to each other. In 1941 the last letter was sent from Sophie Unger (1874-1962) to Felix Rutten (1882-1971). And more than 20 years later they died. She in Norway. He in Rome.

This weekend I read Adri Gorissen's book 'Een Noorse Liefde' (2012). Book in Dutch. Title in English 'A Norwegian Love'. I bought one book of 500 copies.

They met in Sittard (The Netherlands) in 1910. He taught her French. In return she taught him Norwegian. After a few months they met in Bergen (Norway). There they decided not to get engaged. She married someone else. And he started travelling. Writing letters and postcards to each other. They met five times:  February/ March 1910 in The Netherlands; August 1910 in Norway; 1912 in Norway; 1923 in Brugge (Belgium); 1928 in Norway. Both realizing that they made the wrong decision in 1910 and didn't consume their love-of-their-life. Didn't!

In this book her 29 letters and postcards to him are translated. There are no letters left from Felix to Sophie. She was his 'middernachtzon in mijn eenzaam leven' (English 'midnight sun in my lonely life'). Forever linked. A sun that cannot set down. Kissing and words redundant. 

A lovely book. Sad. Inspirational. Questions. Lots of questions - for him and her - that never will be answered. A love that is "lost" forever with the death of these two lovers. Melted like snow for the sun.

P.S. Felix was married between 1919-1929 to a Dutch woman. When his marriage came to an end he immediately planned a trip to Norway. Back to Sophie! In 1928 he wanted to meet Sophie for a second time but she asked him not to come. Her husband was jealous and Sophie wanted peace. They never met again - as far as we can tell from the sources we have.

Recap

Why do I love Música Popular Brasileira #MPB? Why do I love Bruna, Ana Carolina, Ana Moura and many others?

Let me first say that MPB is for me a hat-rack. I like to listen to: #MPB #Fado and #BossaNova. These three music trends are in my mind, fused into "MPB". Regardless of whether this is justified by music theorists.

I love Bruna Caram's voice, smile, elegance and joy of living. She reminds me of you.

Ana Carolina's voice is sexy. Her lyrics are deep. She exudes sensuality. Nothing beats her song 'Confesso'. She reminds me of ...

I like Ana Moura best with her eyes closed. She is intense and pure. Shy. She reminds me ...

Marisa Monte's 'Bem Que Se Quis' is my favorite Friday afternoon song. She is sexy! Desire! She reminds ...

Andrea Martins is mysterious behind her black glasses. She ...

The singer that moves me most is Zélia Duncan. I never talk and think much about her. I don't want to. For me she is danger. Elegant. Deep. Sexo. Sober. Her songs are like poems. In a way I deny my attraction and longing for her. ...

Spread Across the World

Bruna Caram's CD 'Será Bem-Vindo Qualquer Sorriso' (English 'Will Welcome Any Smile') was released on 16 November, 2012. I downloaded it the next morning via iTunes for my new iPhone5.

Bruna is very satisfied and content with her new CD. With this CD she wants the audience to know her "completely". If she had a 'lâmpada mágica' her request would be: her singing spread across the world! 

She made a short summary for every song. Format: 1 tweet. I translated those tweets in English:

I love these 3 songs best:

• 'Esfera' (Paulo Novaes). Try to allow each new act of love. And if you have to relieve: cry.
• 'Flor de Medo' (Djavan). Come and kiss me once. You think too much. Come to me, body and soul.
• 'Segredo' (Dalva de Oliveira). There is no remedy. Nobody is to blame for our disunity. Original from Dalva (1947): here.


My appreciation for this CD :) :) :) :)

Decorated Apes

If you ever see this on a military uniform you can be sure he (or she) is a fraudster. Or it's carnaval ;)

Every war has its winners and losers. Or is this the wrong image on war? For the soldiers there are different rewards for their bravery or leadership. After winning World War II, for freeing the "Free World", Winston Churchill (1874-1965) was offered twice a Duke title. With the firm understanding that he would not accept. Bernard Montgomery (1887-1976) was offered, for his military leadership, a lower rank in the Peerage: Viscount title. 

The Germans lost World War II but if they had won that war, the most outstanding of Generals would have been awarded with 'The Star of the Grand Cross of the Iron Cross'. The decoration was never bestowed ;

Ranks for bravery or leadership in Germany during World War II and their numbers:

Göring got his 'Grand Cross of the Iron Cross' for building up the German Airforce.

Ever heard of Hans-Ulrich Rudel (1916-1982)? He was a pilot who destroyed a total of 2,000 targets. Including 519 tanks and 1 battleship. He shot down nine aircraft. Rudel was the most highly decorated German serviceman of WWII. This is the baton belonging to his 'Knight's Cross with Golden Oak Leaves, Swords and Diamonds':